


Here For You

by ProPinkist



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Body Horror, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I hated myself when writing this, It's not fair, So much angst, i guess, it hurts so much, it's through the charts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 16:04:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6431110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProPinkist/pseuds/ProPinkist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gon visits Kite. There's nothing much he can do right now, but he clings to the hope that his actions and words will reach him and give him comfort.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here For You

**Author's Note:**

> Will I ever stop crying over these two? The answer is "probably not." Written awhile back after episode 95; feels are quite the motivator, I have to say. I apologize for the ending deus ex machina; I know full well it isn't possible but I couldn't /not/ end it with something like that because my denial is so strong it's absolutely ridiculous *goes back into the corner to sob*

“Why on earth do you need to go back, and _now_? We’re all making preparations for the mission!”

Knuckle stared down at Gon, who had knocked on his door literally moments after he had returned from lunch. There was so much to do, and the two kids had been busy training their little bodies to death. It was rather unnerving to him, seeing how seriously they took this… and yet they were the key to this plan succeeding, he and the others suspected. It’d been so crazy recently that he had almost forgotten Gon’s stake in all this.

Until now, when he had shown up at Knuckle’s door and asked him to take him to that warehouse again… to see Kite.

“I’m so sorry for imposing on you now… but I would really appreciate it.” Gon’s voice was sad, but also determined.

“But… _why?”_ Knuckle squatted down in front of Gon, not wanting to sound like he was dumbing things down for him but also trying to make himself clear. “Gon… whatever you’re hoping to do, it’s not going to work. …Our best shot is doing what the Chairman has planned; you understand?” He cringed a little in sadness.

“I know. And I _will_ do my part in this mission, along with Killua… don’t doubt us.” Knuckle couldn’t help but shiver a little at the seriousness of his voice.

“…I admit that I can’t give you a good reason, Knuckle. So I’ll understand if you don’t want to help me. …But I just want to do this, just once more. For my own…” He seemed to struggle with finding the right words. “…my peace of mind, and as a reminder to myself.” Knuckle raised his eyebrow in confusion, as Gon looked up at him with slight tears in his eyes.

“Please don’t think I’m ungrateful; I’m sorry if I seem that way right now. I’ll never be thankful enough, to all four of you, for doing what you did. Thank you.” He smiled sadly. “…But you were the only one I could ask. I don’t want Killua especially to know… but if I have to, I’ll find a way in myself. …Sorry.”

Knuckle hesitated, thinking back to that day a few weeks ago.

_Gon marched down the hallway purposefully, his warring emotions nearly tangible, almost wafting off of him. Killua had tried to say something to him, but he ignored him, pulling ahead of the rest of the group. It was only after they had all gone their separate ways again that Gon had pulled Knuckle off to the side, crying into his shirt. He expected this to happen, and he only regretted (and was confused at the fact that) Gon had picked_ him _of all people to look to for comfort. He was terrible with kids, he thought._

_But what Gon had said was the exact opposite from what he expected._

_“Thank you… T-Thank you so much, Knuckle! All of you! I’m so… so glad… thank you… I can’t say it enough… He’ll be safe here, thanks to you… Thank you.”_

Knuckle bit his lip. He had expected him to hate him, to yell at him, and he wouldn’t have blamed him if he had. After all… they were _too late_. But instead he had _thanked_ him.

The reason for this was obvious: Gon still believed, without a shadow of a doubt, that that man could be saved. Knuckle didn’t know for sure that he _couldn’t_ be… but he wasn’t very confident at all. But Gon believed. Or maybe he had just deluded himself to the point where it was impossible for him _not_ to believe it anymore.

And that was what hurt him most of all.

He suspected that Gon was fully aware of how closely everyone was watching him, too. Gon was no dummy, no matter how he seemed sometimes; the fact that he didn’t want Killua to know about this little trip of his showed that he knew how he would react if he found out.

…When he thought about it that way, it made sense that he would ask him, out of everyone. The others would definitely turn him down without hesitation.

Knuckle wanted to turn him down as well, of course… he didn’t want to devastate Gon more than he already was. And yet… saying no would still make him sad, and he would attempt to get into that room on his own ( _Why on earth would he do that??? He must know that breaking the lock to that place would be very, VERY bad)._ It was just better for everyone if he let him have his way; that way he could protect him and watch him, and then go back to what he was doing. …Even if this was going to make him feel guilty as hell.

“…Oh, for crying out loud,” Knuckle muttered, rubbing his hair. “…I can’t believe I’m going to let you do this, but fine. If you’re gonna do it no matter what, then of course someone has to come with you.” He crossed his arms, trying to seem as intimidating as he could despite his sadness (which wasn’t really that intimidating at all).

Gon only smiled, which infuriated him to no end.

“Thank you so much, Knuckle!”

 

* * *

 

“Now Gon… I don’t think I really need to say this; you saw everything there is to know the last time…”

Gon watched as Knuckle crouched down to his level again, putting his hands on his shoulders gently. They were back inside that dark warehouse, right in front of that same door. There was no sound from behind it… but Gon didn’t expect there to be, of course. He could tell Knuckle was confused about his backpack and fishing pole that he had with him, but thankfully he didn’t ask any questions.

“…Do _not_ approach him, okay?” Knuckle sounded pained, and Gon felt a twinge of guilt for dragging him into this. “…I don’t want to see you have to get hurt again, now that you know about… the situation.” He stood up, staring down at Gon with worry. “…Just… Just say your piece, make your peace, whatever you want to do. Just _don’t_ try to get near him or touch him. …I’m sorry.”

“I know. …Thanks, Knuckle.”

Knuckle let out a long sigh. “…Well, let’s get it over with.” He hesitated. “…We didn’t chain him up, since we assumed that he won’t move unless he senses people nearby. If we’d done that, we would have injured him more in the struggle anyway. …Just so you know.” He held out a box of matches. “There are lanterns in there on the wall; I’ll keep the door open a crack as well in case something happens.”

Gon nodded, and took the matches from the Hunter’s hands. After Knuckle had unlocked the door, he slowly pushed it open just enough for Gon to squeeze through.

It was dark inside the room, so dark. Gon was more akin to call it a dungeon instead of a warehouse.

Even still, he could just barely make out the prone figure against the opposite wall.

Gon held his breath, reflexively wanting to inhale sharply but trying not to make any noise right away. He crossed the room in fast strides, making a wide arc around the other person present. First he lit the lantern to the west, and then the one to the east.

After he was done, he walked back to the middle of the room and sat himself down in front of his roommate. They were directly across from each other, and yet the room length meant they were so still far apart… in more ways than one.

“…H-Hi again, Kite.”

Gon watched, biting his lip so hard he thought he tasted blood, as Kite visibly reacted to the alien sound. He raised his head slowly to stare directly into his gaze, and Gon gripped the stone floor in response.

“It’s me, Gon Freecs… remember?” He inwardly laughed at himself, not knowing why he was kidding himself in such a way. Kite cocked his head in response; it would have been cute, if not for how his face looked.

Gon took a shaky breath, willing himself to not look away, no matter what. He owed Kite that much.

“We… We got off on the wrong foot last time, didn’t we? _~~(It hurt too much to say “our first meeting”)~~_ …I’m sorry, I know I tired you out the last time. I just didn’t know… that would happen.” He tried to make his voice come out stronger, to no avail. “…This time, let’s just talk, okay? No fighting necessary. …T-That is, _I’ll_ talk; you just listen.”

_I hope Knuckle isn’t hearing all of this…_

After an obvious, awkward silence, Gon began to busy himself with what he had brought with him. He smiled fondly at his fishing pole; he hadn’t used it as a weapon ever since he had learned Nen. …But now, hopefully, it would have a use again. His backpack as well, he hadn’t carried with him in ages.

He unzipped the little bag, pulling out a blanket he had taken from one of the hotel rooms carts (he just hoped no maids would notice it missing!), some cream medicine that he was ninety-nine percent sure he wouldn’t actually be able to use (but just in case he magically thought of something), and a cassette player with a tape already inside. Gon was reminded of the one he had found in the box from his father, with his message recorded on it… god, that seemed so long ago now. Would he ever find him? The thought of Ging was so far in the back of his mind now, farther than it had ever been before the whole Chimera Ant incident began.

It was surreal; his main goal of finding his father had never entered his mind again, ever since…

Gon stared up at Kite again numbly, then quickly shook his head, willing himself to focus on the task at hand.

He picked up his fishing pole, squinting at his handiwork. Previously, he had whittled down some wood he found outside, and rubber-banded it to the end of the handle, in order to make it longer. Gon held the end of the wood delicately, testing to see if the rest of the rod would stay upright with it. All the while, he felt the stare on him. He forced himself to pretend it was a natural one, as difficult as it was.

After feeling confident that it was sturdy enough, he paused, setting it down for a moment.

_What am I even doing… this is silly. It’s pointless. But… But I…_

Gon bit his lip again, staring into the horribly disfigured eyes of the man he respected so much, looked up to so much. If it wasn’t for the original raising of his head, he wouldn’t think Kite was even alive, he was so still _(don’tthinkthatdon’tthinkthatDON’TTHINKTHAT)_. Anything he did for him probably wouldn’t even matter. Especially when he had to go through such a roundabout way of doing it.

…But he just _had_ to.

Throwing caution to the wind ( _if this causes an uproar, Knuckle is going to kill me)_ , Gon pulled out the blanket from his bag, spreading it on the ground in front of him. It was light, but still of a warm material; perfect for what he wanted to do.

He started talking as he worked, feeling bad for not doing what he told Kite he was going to (he had to think like this, no matter what).

“This place is rather lonely, isn’t it Kite?” His voice saddened. “It’s dark, really really dark… and it’s cold.” A chill swept through him at that moment as if to prove his point. “Not a place where a person should have to live.” _You’re probably used to much worse though, seeing as how you used to live, from what you told me._

He left a pause where he imagined Kite would say something, then continued. “…I wish I could give you back your shirt at least, or _a_ shirt… but I can’t; you’ll just reject it. I’m sorry.” Gon’s voice was weakening, and he hated it. “…S-Sorry, this is the best I can do… if you’ll accept it. Please? For me?”

Gon had attached the middle of one side of the blanket to the hook on his fishing pole. He would rather not have a sharp object near Kite, but there was no other way he could hold it on. Once he was sure it was good and well attached, he pointed the pole nearly to the ceiling, so that the entire blanket hung down in front of him. He then slowly inched his hands down the extended handle he had created, until the end of the pole reached all the way across the room… right over Kite.

Praying to every deity that may exist that this wouldn’t turn into a disaster ~~(heaven knew he had prayed so many times after they had gotten out of NGL)~~ , he slowly let down the line, closer and closer to his goal. Kite registered that something was different, and he jerked his head up sharply, but otherwise didn’t react violently. Gon held his breath.

A few minutes later, the blanket was around Kite’s shoulders, even if haphazardly. Gon expertly used the hook to pull both sides of it around more, and he was pleased with his handiwork.

If Kite ever moved, it would fall off, and if it fell off, he wouldn’t know to put it back around him… but Gon didn’t want to think about that for right now at least.

He reeled in his line, setting down the fishing pole in front of him. “There,” Gon said, smiling a weak smile. “That should help at least somewhat.”

Dead silence.

After hesitating for quite a while, Gon oh-so-slowly scooted towards the wall perpendicular to Kite, his brain yelling at him not to every second. Kite did not react any more than to follow him with his heartbreaking gaze.

_Wow, I’m rather close to him… Maybe…_

Gon shook his head fiercely, slapping his cheeks. _Can’t do it, or I’ll just regret it. I’m lucky I got this far._

He simply sat there, staring at Kite, whose face was much closer to him now. It hurt to see.

“…Your eyes,” Gon began, his voice cracking. “Your eyes are being held open. A-And all your scars… I know some of those have to be from Knuckle and Shoot. They felt horrible about having to do that to you, I know. I’m sorry…”

Gon leaned back against the cold, hard wall, practically sitting on his hands to keep them from unconsciously reaching out towards Kite.

“I-I’ve never seen you like this before.” He was crying. He’d known this would happen eventually, but he didn’t have to like it. “You were so full of life before… You were reserved and polite, it’s true, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t be excited about what interested you.” Gon swallowed hard.

“Now, you’re just… you’re reduced to _this_. Y-You look so sick, Kite… so exhausted, so hurt. You’re all grey… I can feel the cold coming from you even without touching you. So cold… so very cold… almost… a-almost like-“

He bit his tongue to keep himself from continuing to speak, wanting to scream.

_What if he’s slowly starving to death in here? There isn’t anything I can do about_ that… _Eating requires action on his part, and of course that’s not possible…_

“I just… want to help you… just want to hold your hand… tell you that I’m here. I’m here, Kite. I’m here. I wasn’t before, and I’ll probably never stop regretting that for as long as I live…” Gon laughed a bit bitterly. “…Maybe I’ll die in this fight. I hope not. I want to see you as yourself again ~~(if it’s possible)~~. …But at the very least, if I can take that one down with me, I’ll be content.

“B-But back to what I was saying… I’m here now. I’m sorry I wasn’t before. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Can you hear me? …Maybe? I don’t know… I think that maybe, if I could just hold your hand, you would know for sure.”

_Why can’t I stop my tears… I hate this._

“…I’m holding your hand in spirit, Kite,” he whispered quietly, all energy seemingly gone. “I don’t want to risk doing it and you having to attack me again… You need to rest; you’ve been through so much.”

Gon wrapped his arms around himself tightly, smiling a little despite himself.

“Mito told me when I left to become a Hunter… that whenever I missed her, I should hug myself, and that it would reach her. And that she would do the same for me.” He chuckled sadly. “It’s silly, really… but I hope it works now, Kite. I hope you feel this.”

After a few moments, Gon yawned, to his embarrassment. All that training must have been catching up to him.

“I brought you some music, Kite… don’t know if you can hear it, but it’s worth a shot.” He pressed the play button on his little cassette player, and soft, classical music started playing.

“Didn’t think they even sold tapes anymore, haha… much less nice music like this… gotta thank Killua for helping me later…”

Gon curled up on the ground of the room, despite how cold and hard it was. He felt oddly safe right now, for some reason, despite how much he had been crying just a few moments ago.

“Hope you like it, Kite… sorry for everything; I’ll avenge you and save you, don’t worry… Spin and the others would be sad if I didn’t… and Killua is worried about you too…”

His last words came out a bit sleepy.

“I love you.”

 

* * *

 

“Damn, what is taking him so long?! I’ve got business to take care of.”

Knuckle frowned in irritation and slight worry. He had heard Gon’s muffled talking, but otherwise there were no sounds of a struggle. Now though, it was quiet… except for what sounded like soft music?

_I’ll just peek in to see what’s going on in case I need to intervene._

He turned around to look inside the cracked door, squinting to make out what was happening in the dim light.

Knuckle nearly rubbed his eyes in shock, thinking they must be lying to him.

At the far wall of the room, Gon was curled up on the floor, obviously fast asleep. And…

Kite was on his hands and knees, leaning over Gon’s small figure. Before Knuckle could react on his worry, Kite laid down next to Gon; not touching him, but still moving on his own in a non-violent way, with seemingly no prompting.

Knuckle couldn’t be sure from his position at the door, but he thought Kite’s eyes now showed some emotion in them that he couldn’t explain.

No longer just that of death.


End file.
